Happy Rosh Hashanah1
Happy Birthday Taz!! :)

Under usual circumstances, I would be very happy it was Friday...except that I hate it here.

ok, that's a lie. I don't hate it HERE...I just hate it...here.
I know that clarifies everything.
I HATE the people here, I HATE not having any friends, I HATE not having anything to do this weekend, I HATE the thought of spending my Friday night doing homework and then going to bed early (actually...I'm really tired so that's not the worst thing ever...) and I HATE most of all not being with my friends.
I miss you guys so much.
And while most of you have your friends you're going to hang out with, I know you haven't forgotten about me but today I was playing Spades on my phone and I almost started crying because I really want to just call everyone up and have us go hang out and play cards just like old times.
Merde.
Becca just came back so I can't cry. She'll be gone all night too...which leaves me with nothing to do and no one to hang out with. Maybe I'll e-mail Alana and see if she wants to do something. That would be cool.
This is a list of things I want that are the reason I'm crying:
+I want my Daddy back more then anything else in the world
+I want my friends back
+I want friends
+I want to understand calc
+I want something else that I'm not gonna say in a public blog
and...yea. Basically I'm not having a good day. Its really dumb because I'm so bipolar! I'm like today's a good day, today's a bad day, today I cried all day, today I was happy. Its really annoying. I'm sorry. Gahhh.

In good news, Matt Finley of the Daily Orange has a new article out today:

Robot Encounters May, May not, Induce Death
by Matt Finley
Well played, you ingenious ruffian! You discovered a robot. But don't send it to protect John Conner just yet! First, follow this helpful guide to ensure that you maximize the amount of fun and sterility that you and your new best friend can cause:

The first thing you must do upon discovering an alleged robot is ensure that it is, in fact, a robot. There are enough discarded 2XLs and perplexing feminine hygiene products out there to confound even the most seasoned explorer. If you are unsure how to gauge an object's robot-ness, use the simple checklist below.

The thing I found is:

a)________ Not A Robot
b) ________ A Robot

Answer Key:

- For every time you answered a) give yourself a point.
- For every time you answered b) give yourself two points.

1 Point - Sorry, the thing you found is not a robot.
2 Points - Good job! You found a robot (or something that isn't a robot twice).
3 or more points - You're either drunk or you found a Transformer. Either way, congratulations!

Once you are sure that what you've found is a robot, or are too drunk to care either way, you must determine whether or not the robot is hostile. To do this, kick it about what resembles its face. Are you dead? Good. That means the robot is not hostile. Or that it's biding its time before shrinking itself down, entering your body through your anus while you sleep and whispering unconstructive criticism to your prostate for the next 50 years, resulting in erectile indecision and an apathetic bladder*. Before moving on, be sure to apologize, or kick it again, which ever feels more natural.

You'll now need to know what its name is. You can either scour its body to see if it's written anywhere (like a yogurt-slurping loser) or name it yourself (like a GoGurt-chugging rock star). Below is a list of good robot names:

* Killbot
* Killbot 200
* Roboid
* Deathotron
* Roboid Deathotron 200
* Killbot 300

Once your robot has a name, you must determine its function. Every robot is designed for a purpose, whether to perform a physical or mental task more efficiently than human workers or grant sexual favors to a lonely inventor. Oftentimes, a robot's function is described in its name. For instance, a robot built to peel bananas might be called "Bananabot." This name not only implies what the robot does but is also a clever lampoon of the brand name "Banana Boat." Conversely, a robot named "Lumbetron" that tells degrading stories about oft-flaccid, diminutive genitals was probably designed for cutting down trees before dating me for six months in 2002. So, let's say your robot's name is "Killbot." Obviously, it was made for killing. "Deathotron?" Yeah, that's for killing, too. But what about "Roboid?" Also killing. If your robot isn't killing anything, I guess you should see if it'll peel some bananas. Short of that, kick it until it does something awesome.

The next step is to customize. It's up to you whether you want to get dinosaur stencils or just bedazzle the mechanical fuck out of it, but no matter what you choose be sure it reflects you as an individual and to ask permission before using the scissors.

Top secret decorating tip: macaroni can be used to make eyebrows that are both affordable and delicious.

Step #6: Initiate revenge sequence!
Good luck and enjoy your marvel of modern technology!

*If you're a girl it probably does some whack shit to your poonanner.

I like him. He's funny. Anyway, I just remembered I don't have Alana's e-mail address so I hafta hope Maurri calls (I could never replace you, Rie!) and if she doesn't maybe I'll email her. Rah. Or else I'll watch some tv and go to bed early.
I start work in the morning! I have "I'm Smart" training and then I'm working the SU/Cinncinati game and its gonna be a party. Go Orange!