So Becca had band tonight and so I watched the Simpsons for the first time in a month *sighs of happiness* and then I went down to dinner (to go) and the first person I see when I get there? Uh yea, Paul Kenline with a table full of friends. Soooo this didn't make me feel better so I came back and I called my XDILLY!! and talked to people on her party floor and then went to work on my Systeme D French homework and then Greg Kaufman IMed me!! It was so exciting and awesome. It was really nice of him!!

Anyway, that kinda made my day because I live a sad sad existence. The rest of today was good though I guess. For French we didn't really do much (can you imagine?) we pretty much just played on the computer and hung out. Vincent said some really funny things, but I have forgotten them. Good story, Kelly.

Then I had global community lecture (the worst part of global community) and we got assigned our projects and the Canadian guy talked again and it was mostly about Comparative Advantage and junk I already knew so it was boring...as usual.

Then I went for coffee at Dunkin Donuts in Schine and finished my book for W P&C and then I went to Calc which was horribly boring and I wanted to kill myself as usual. Actually I understood it so I didn't die.

Then I hung out and read the paper in the quad and wrote a letter to Dana and then I went to World People and Cultures which was good, and random because I answered two questions! And its like a big, aud, class--200 people or something. Its really easy though--if you read the book, you know what he's talking about plus the answers probably on the power point. Then one time he asked a question and he was looking around near me and I subconsiously shook my head...and he looked right at me and was like "why not?" so I assumed he was talking to someone behind me who had raised their hand and he was like "I see you shaking your head--why not??" and so I realized it was me and since it said in the notes "NO POINTING" and he said "would they point at someone?" that the answer was "They don't point" and he was like "yes! thank you!" and I was like "oh man, that was random." Never mind. It was scary when it happened.

Then I came back here to do homework, and we all know how well THAT turned out. Oh well, I had some good chats with good people--some of whom really needed to talk. Plus, when Dana IMed me she was more interesting then my French homework and that's really what got me started in the first place.

And now, I would like to tell you, for my brother, that Al Doyle is sweet.
He's also on the brochure.

And now, because Matt Finley of the Syracuse University Daily Orange is sweet, an article I just found that he wrote, because he is my hero:

For the last time, I'm not a vampire! I'm sick of being shunned by blood banks and whore houses. I'm tired of having school children peg me in the face with garlic bread and confused old men shoot me in the chest with silver bullets. How can I pay for sex if I can't sell my blood? How can I gain admittance to a respectable brothel with a head full of crumby butter and a chest packed with hot silver? That's right, I can't! Yup, I bite five women and suddenly the whole city is accusing me of being a vampire. Syracuse? More like Salem-cuse! Yeah, I'm really glad we live in a democracy! This is really totally super awesome. (Oh, by the way, that's sarcasm...I actually don't like being prematurely judged as a marauding, blood-thirsty, undead night-walker.)

Not only is your fear of vampirism unwarranted, it's completely irrational! The vampire attack rate in our country is currently at an all-time low. Last year, more than 93% of all deaths associated with vampiritic activity later proved to be a result of werewolves or escaped vampire robots from Ohio's notoriously irresponsible vampire robot corporation, Vampco. And my fleshy, baby-soft genitals prove that I'm not a robot. Even if real vampires were roving the countryside drinking blood, loitering and stealing away the females in our lives, I wouldn't be one of them!

Vampires can play the violin. Do you know how much I can't play the violin? So much that I had to look up the word "violin" in the dictionary. So much that I had to look up words in the definition of "violin" in a scratch-and-sniff children's dictionary. A "violin" is an "instrument." Also it has "strings." Vampires also seduce virgin girls. I can't seduce a girl! My doughy complexion, patchy facial and dorsal hair, chronic bacne, and violin incompetence make it difficult to get close enough to identify a person's gender. Much less drug them. Much, much less seduce them. Plus, if I were a vampire I could turn into a bat. Bats are the ultimate sonar machines! I'd be bouncing sonic vibrations off all kinds of stuff. And when I got big enough, I'd eat a bird. Yeah, you read that right. Basically, if I had the oiled hair and hulking member of a Transylvanian count, I'd be eating solid gold Chex mix and dating Frankenberry, not drawing substandard editorial cartoons for a hack college newspaper.

But hey, let's just assume all you accusatory Jenny McCarthys are right, and I am a vampire. All you liberal types march down to the blood drive twice a day to hand your blood over to little Timmy, with his brain full of cancer and his mouth full of waweepops because "he needs it to live." Well, guess who else needs blood to live (besides you...)? Vampires! They don't drink your blood because it tastes like rainbows and unicorn semen. They drink it because they need it! Hey, here's a moral conundrum to ponder. What if Mr. Vampire Jones got in a car accident and lost eleven quarts of blood? Do you help him then? Huh? Just because he was drunk and swerved off the road and killed the oldest maple tree in Onondaga County? Is that when you help him? I'm so tired of all your hypocritical double standards and stingy blood-handling. Don't be a blood Scrooge!

But hey, again, I'm not a vampire. And thank god I'm not, because I don't think I could live in this bigoted, selfish world. I'd have to construct a small pod to venture into the deepest space, where there would be no one to judge me but stars and the Predator. God bless you, Predator, for your constant support and supple chest armor.

P.S. I'm still not a vampire.

He's my hero. Dave Barry + bitterness + his soul is orange.

Comments? (I have more awesome Matt Finelys if you'd like them! :) )