Well...sometimes life just sucks and you hafta get used to it because you can't just curl up and die.
Last night my Grandfather--Leo A. Sweeney died peacefully at the ripe old age of 78. He had Alzheimer's for the past couple years and he wasn't getting better. He hasn't known me for years and he was getting progressively worse. My Grandmother was devoted to him to the very last and wouldn't put him in a nursing home. She's an amazing lady. Sometimes he didn't even know who she was. On Mother's Day he got pnemonia and was put in the hospital and Tuesday morning he had a stroke. My mom wasn't going to tell me until after the AP exams but then he was getting better and then they called again last night about 10 and said that he had passed away in his sleep. Most of the family had been with him, he recieved Last Rites twice (seems excessive for such an extremely religious man), they all said a rosary and then they sang "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow". My Grandpa loved to sing. He hasn't been able to sing for a long time, but I'm sure he's in Heaven singing up a storm making up for lost time---and my daddy's up there teasing him. My Grandpa really missed his parents (just like I miss my Daddy) and he's been trying to see them (going to the house he grew up in) more and more. My mom also had a sister who died when she was 4, Jeanette, who really needed her daddy. She needed her daddy like I need my Daddy.
Last night I freaked out. I couldn't sleep. I started flipping until I turned on the light and grabbed my daddy's wedding ring. I put it on and I was at peace. And I could sleep. My daddy was in my dream and as soon as I saw him I grabbed his hand, I could feel it, and I kissed him, but I couldn't feel it. He told me that he wasn't there with my physically but he was there with me and he always would be. In the dream he had walked into my room with my brother and was putting away my laundry, and I had freaked out. I miss my daddy. Oh God do I miss my daddy.
To add to the mood yesterday we heard from an amazing Holocaust survivor and I know I've been telling his stories all day, but I want to say the thing that he said that really touched me. The thing that I really needed to hear. He said, "Believe me, there is a God" and after all that he had been through, he still believed. And I know I haven't gone through anything like he has, and I'm not suggesting that for even one instant I doubted the presence of God, because I can feel and know God...I just really needed to hear that. And I thank God for that amazing man. Even though he survived the Holocaust and came to the United States where we...DRAFTED HIM AND FORCED HIM TO FIGHT IN THE KOREAN WAR. And not even in Korea...IN GERMANY. What a pigheaded country we live in. THIS MAN SURVIVED AUSHWITZ!!!!
Anyway. The gov exam was better then expected, but I'm expecting the economics one to be worse. Screw it because you know what? In the scheme of things it really doesn't matter.
There's something I've been meaning to ask of everyone who reads this. Do me a favor and right now, go up to your parents and everyone you love and tell them you love them and give them a great big hug because you know what? You really never know when its going to be the last time. My Grandpa was getting better, My Daddy was getting better...but its ok because they are both so happy and so healthy right now that I couldn't ask for anything. And someday many years from now I'm going to see them again and its going to be WONDERFUL. But until then I'm going to stay here and make them proud.
I was lucky. I thank God everyday for giving me the best Daddy anyone could ever dream of having. Everyday I thank God that my Daddy told me that he loved me, that he was proud of me, and that David and I were the best things that ever happened to him. I love my Daddy and he knows it. And I'm so lucky for that.
I don't know how many people know but the first day of spring break my mom moved out of my house. She and my Dad were going to seperate and my life (I thought) was really terrible. I would give anything in the world to go back two months for just an hour, but I can't and I'll just hafta wait. But God had a plan and my mom just so happened to be visiting us April 19th and my daddy was still alive when I came home from school, and until she was there to help me. My Daddy told me to go get the ambulence and show them which house it was, and then I said while squeezing his hand, "is there anything else I can do?" and he said, "Pray" and I will. I pray every night and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. He once told my mother that his biggest fear was dying alone, but he didn't. He died in my mother's arms and he told her "I love you" and they reconciled and then he saw the Light and he passed into another world. A world that is much better then ours where there is no sadness and no pain.
Now all that is left is for me to pray and to make him proud in everything I do.
Thank you God for my Daddy and for my Grandpa.
By the way, as my brother said, I hafta tell you about the Miracle Watch. My Daddy had two pieces of jewerlery that he always wore: his wedding ring which I got and his watch which David got. The watch stopped about the time my Daddy died, and David wore it anyway. My brother was a paulberer...however the heck you spell it! And during the funeral, when he was holding my Daddy...the watch started again. And it told the right time. Sidenote: some of the last words our Daddy said to my brother were "make sure you're in bed by one!" and now he has no excuse!!!! hahahaha. My Daddy's funny like that. :) I love my Daddy!
Second side note: when I told the watch story to my hairdresser, Maureen, today she said that on her birthday (the day she was born, which was also her parents anniversary) her father gave to her mother a clock. The clock stopped before Maureen could remember using it. Anyway, her father died when she was about 20, and she eventually inherited (or else the clock was hers, I forget) the clock and it started again...on her 40th birthday.
And that's all from here folks, I got a black dress to find and an exam to sleep for.
I love my Daddy and My Grandpa!