So let's see if I can name anything going well this holiday.
Nope, nothing.

I just got into a really big fight with my mom because all I wanted to do was go see my Daddy's family because they're so much like him and all I want for Christmas is to be with my Daddy. She's too chicken to drive in the stupid snow (she's only lived in Buffalo for 30 years, she doesn't know how to drive in it yet?) and she won't let me drive there either. She drove so slowly that by the time we got to St. Andrews we couldn't go to the mass. So we'll go tomorrow I guess. Its really cold. My mom keeps saying "we're just lucky we're together and safe" etc. but you know what? we're not. We're missing the most important part of our family amd nothing will ever change that. Sure, last Christmas sucked because they weren't speaking, but at least he was there. At least we had HIM. And at least when life sucked I could go to him and he could tell me that everything would be ok. And last Christmas I had Brian and he's a wonderful friend! But I wish something that I won't say--but if you know what I'm thinking then fill in the blank. (Although I'm really happy Brian's happy!) and like ugh...I want to be with my family. The very last thing I want is to sit here with my mom and brother and do nothing for two days. And then have a day, and then go to a place where we're kinda fighting. I mean, we're not really fighting. I just feel bad that there were so many issues last night. I hope we can work them out. I just want to hang out with everyone like we used to, you know? I don't want it to be wierd anymore. I don't want to be here with my broken family. I don't want to be with my broken friends, I don't want to be back at Syracuse where I don't have these people, and I don't know what to do. I'm just depressed, and I know I'm supposed to be because that's what people do when someone close to them dies. I know that I'm lucky I'm not like this 24/7 and that I still have my wonderful friends and family. but the point is that right now life pretty much sucks and I want the stupid holidays to be over with and I want life to be fun again and I want my Daddy back.

I hate feeling shitty. I hate drama. I hate this.

I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday though :)

ps my tree's broken and not decorated and falling apart. and its cold! And I realized the place that I'm happiest in the world is 199 rue de Dunkerque and I want to go...home.