RESUME
George W. Bush - The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and
had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has
been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining
the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was
a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business
in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find
any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my
stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our
right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was
elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: I changed Texas pollution
laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state
in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas
treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for
the most executions by any governor in American history. With the help of
my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the
Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
Over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and
effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the
largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most
private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time
record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time
record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my
first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that
trend continues every month. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are
the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest
millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I
set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I
am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and
one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron. My political party used Enron
private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.
Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at
Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs
In history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I
changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry
of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government. I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I
withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow
inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have
refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in
history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
election). I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record for
most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire
month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S.
history. I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated
country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I
have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind. I am the first
President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and
the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of
the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens,and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time. In my
State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq,
then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first President in
history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the
biggest threat to world peace and security. I am supporting development of
a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed
in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from
meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy
policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.